I think my vagina is haunted
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
