why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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