I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
