I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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