coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
