Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize