I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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