Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
