My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
