i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
