I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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