my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
