I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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