He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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