and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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