The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
