I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
