im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
