i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
