Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
