apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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