After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sarcasm needs its own font
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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