Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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