in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Someone signed my nipple.
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