can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
