Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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