I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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