Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
