She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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