Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
