his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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