That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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