You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
