with your own penis?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
