call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
