My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
