Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
