Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
These tits shall not be calmed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize