get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
