apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize