i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had sex bonerless
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
