...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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