I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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