On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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