I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
