Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
