I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
