She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
