Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
