theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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