hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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