dude i'm inner monologue high
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
