I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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