Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
