Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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