Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
