There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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