it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
