Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
