I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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