He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
