Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
