k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
