Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
