I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
