On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
