): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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