tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
