something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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