So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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