Sponge bath it is.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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