I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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