I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
