I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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