how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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