I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
